I Wish I Knew... (Part 2)

...How enriching it would be.

It’s easy to complain about taking care of your parents. I find myself there often, complaining about a trip to the bank, or yet another doctor’s appointment. Resenting that this is my life. That it feels like life is getting more difficult, instead of easy. I want to be the kid, not the adult.

Yes, these are all valid and yes, all feelings are feelings. But are they truth? Yes…but not the whole truth. The picture isn’t black and white, it’s a million shades (not 50 shades) of grey.

I didn’t realize when I started looking after Dad that it would be so…fulfilling. Before his stroke, I would go a month without seeing him, with the occasional text here and there. It wasn’t that I didn’t love him, we just didn’t ‘need’ each other. I was learning to adult and besides the occasional, “Dad, how do I plunge a toilet?” call, there wasn’t much we required from one another. He was giving me space, and I was trying to spread my wings.
Now, if I don’t hear from him daily, I get nervous.

The regularity of his texts astounds me. Their absence, destroys me.

I worry, I care. We’ve got him set up in a place where he’s safe and sound but I still worry.

What I’ve loved to see is his realness. So often, we look to our parents as superheroes. They’ve got all the answers. Nothing flusters them. They can fix the issues in our lives now as simply as they covered our boo-boos with bandaids when we were small. And now, when they rely on us for the same thing, I get smacked in the face with reality.

Without a doubt, the absolute best part of caring for your parents and kids at the same time, is the building of their relationship. Because we spend so much time together now, their familiarity and depth together is astounding. They relate to each other in a way that I can’t – and it’s not just because their brains operate at similar levels sometimes.

It’s that they don’t know any different.

My son doesn’t know Grandpapa in any way, other than as he is now. He knows that Grandpapa always has sweets, needs to hold hands when they cross the street and that Mom takes Grandpapa to appointments. And Grandpapa is just there. There’s no absence, no distance. They simply just are part of one anothers’ lives, because they have to be. But more importantly, because they want to be.
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Knowing my kids will have memories of their Grandpapa and how much he loved them warms every part of my heart. Even if there aren’t many memories or if it doesn’t last for long, they are there. And, by golly, do we have the pictures. TAKE THE PICTURES. TAKE THEM ALL. You’ll want them, they’ll want them. 

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What do you remember about your grandparents? I'd love to hear about what you loved most!

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